How to Find “Relationship Paradise” (in ANY type of relationship)
- Julie Digby
- Apr 24
- 5 min read
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” -Wayne Dyer
Little Gems of Wisdom & Fun from Mary Lynn Ziemer
How can you get to this “relationship paradise” that everyone longs for? How can you possibly turn a struggling friendship or love relationship into something beautiful, exciting, positive, loving, and fun?
Read on. There is a way.
In your most important relationships, there are times when you may not always experience “smooth sailing.” There comes a time when, if you are honest with yourself, you admit that you have critical or judgmental thoughts about the other person. You want to change them. You want to change them to your way of thinking. You want them to be…..different? Better in some way? More of this? Less of that? You are convinced that if they would just make a change, your relationship would be better. You believe this to be the truth.
There’s a well-known Michael Jackson song called Man In the Mirror. “If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make a change.”
Or as Ella Fitzgerald wrote, “it’s time to wake up to reality!” It is time to become responsible for who YOU are in relationship to others, then you will see change. It’s time for you to become responsible for your thoughts, words, and actions as you react to your perception of who they are.
Only when you consistently change how you see, speak, and act towards others, will you begin to see a change in them.
Here is where you might say I am crazy. What I say to you is this: Expecting someone to change doesn’t change them, it changes you. And that is what changes them!
Here are 5 Steps to start improving your relationship:
Step 1. In your mind, create a new image of the person and decide what your perfect relationship with this person would be like. Know that your mind is a very powerful tool that, when used with love, makes all things possible. Write down a description of your ideal relationship with your friend or partner in detail. Dream big!
Don’t let your current reality influence this exercise. Don’t constrain and limit the new possibilities for a more wonderful relationship. Be specific about the characteristics you would like to see them have, about the activities you would engage in, the depth of your conversations and passions together.
Remember that you relate to others through your own opinions, assessments, and judgments of them. You get what you expect…so expect the best!
Step 2. Read and write this new character script at the beginning of every day. Focus on it consistently. See this new person in your mind and have unwavering faith that they are the person you are envisioning.
Step 3. Build a new foundation of trust in your relationship. Keep your commitments. Make only promises you can keep, and always follow-through on them, no matter how small they may seem.
Step 4. Let go of the past as it relates to how you see this person. Even if you have evidence of a past behavior you don’t like, let it go, so you don’t drag it into the future. Create what you want by feeling, speaking, and acting in a new way towards this person. As you change the way you’re thinking and acting towards them, you will begin to see a shift in their words and actions towards you. Consistency is the key.
Step 5. Choose to consciously respond in conversation instead of reacting from “automatic”. If you don’t like something that is said, do not react. Say nothing at the moment. After you have a chance to think about it, go back and address the topic in a non-emotional way that allows you to be heard.
It may take time to see the bigger changes, so stick with it. Reinforce the words and behavior that feel good in the relationship. Be positive and loving and grateful when you see the relationship begin to change. Prolong a positive conversation. Openly show appreciation and offer a smile.
The truth is this about relationships. Change will happen when you change your predetermined attitude, belief and action in your own mind. When you change how you think, speak and act in a new and better way, they will respond by living up to those very new feelings that you have about them. And then a new cycle of the relationship is set into motion. They are going to be motivated to live up to your obviously very correct appraisal of them!
Have an absolutely magical week full of love, gratitude and fun, fun, FUN!
~Mary Lynn Ziemer
P.S. Ready for a deeper dive? If you want to learn more about accessing these tools, OWNING your power, and tapping into to true extent of your human potential... check out my transformational course, "The Joy Negotiator".
If this message inspired you, please share this link with a friend, colleague, client, or family member to brighten their day as well!
Need help feeling more joy today? Contact Mary Lynn for an initial Coaching session!
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If only we had learned this in school....
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"Journey to Joy" Inspirational Audio
JoyBreak Audio Collections are a collection of inspirational, insightful, and powerful audio messages by Mary Lynn Ziemer, along with soothing music.
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Guided Heart Meditation
Are you listening to your heart? You already HAVE all of the answers to the questions that you seek. All of the solutions are within you... you just need to learn how to access them. This amazing meditation will help you do exactly that.
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