*The following article was published in The News Press, a Southwest Florida publication for which Mary Lynn Ziemer is a Featured Columnist. Find her articles in the Living Well section.
Do you feel “drama” in your life? Would you like it to recede, leaving behind peace quiet calm, and a real feeling of joy? Peace is there for you to experience and tap into at every moment. You will feel it as soon as you detach from the conflict of your world and begin to respond with love.
We all have circumstances and people in our lives that we wish to change. So often, we go on autopilot when we are in those situations that involve those individuals. We often allow them to “push our buttons.” Or, maybe we just don’t want to “rock the boat,” so we engage in ways that feel uncomfortable for ourselves. Rather than spending your time engaged in negative conversation, or disliking, criticizing, and judging them, there is another option.
There is a new approach you can try that will leave you feeling empowered and at peace. You will be responding from love, rather than reacting from emotions absent of love (such as annoyance, frustration or anger). Try coming from a place of calm and self-confidence so you are able to see your way around the issues?
Instead of staying stuck in feel-bad mode again and again, here are some tips to see your way to the light. It may take some practice, but don’t give up. The power of your consistently positive thoughts will get you through it with the results you want.
1- First and foremost, if you don’t already feel happy, make happiness your first priority. Confidence and calm come from that place of happiness within you. When you are happy, you will be able to train yourself not to engage with anyone in a way that doesn’t feel good for you. And, it is only when you are in a state of authentic happiness that you will be able to see the best in them,. It will help you encourage or influence them in a more effective, helpful way.
2- Let go of the past as it relates to your views, opinions and perceptions about how people are. Even if you have evidence of a past behavior you don’t like, let it go. Don’t revisit it again. You can’t change the past, so why drag it into the conversation? You will only create more of what you don’t want in the future by feeling, and subsequently speaking and acting, in the same old way.
3- If you can’t seem to affect the conversation in a positive way, stop talking. Yes, you heard me correctly. Say nothing at all. Often, the other person is looking for love, but in all the wrong places. As they look for reinforcing feedback from you that they are right, they hope to feel better about themselves in some way. Their unpleasant behavior is a sign of desperation, showing their own lack of self-love and happiness. When you stop fueling the conversation it will likely end more quickly.
If you feel you have to say something, be sure to venture down a more positive path. Change the topic to something more pleasant or excuse yourself and leave the conversation. There is always a way to disengage politely. (Excusing yourself to the restroom is always a good tactic.)
4- Take on a new personal motto and share it with others. Let them know that your new resolution is to never diminish a person while speaking about them to another person, but to build them up by sharing the qualities that you truly enjoy in them. This is one of the best ways to turn a conversation around. It is a kind and loving response.
Just remember that when someone is acting out dramatically or gossiping about others, they are simply desperate for their own happiness. Their love tank is empty, and it really is not about what you can do to make them feel better. The very best thing you can do is detach from the drama, respond with love, and see the best in them. It is only from this place of love that you can truly help them. As Paul McCartny and the Beatles said, “All you need is love.”
Love is always the answer to everything. You just have to find the way.
Need help finding more joy, fulfillment and success in your professional or personal life? Mary Lynn is an internationally known Certified Master Life Coach, Business Consultant and Mentor, Motivational Speaker, Co-Author and a trendsetting entrepreneur. She has more than 30 years of experience as a successful, senior executive at two Fortune 100 companies, and has lead multicultural organizations of up to 5,000 employees. Her dynamic and authentic coaching style creates trust, inspires, and moves people toward positive change with tangible results.